Starting Again

Was trying to think of how to start again… and then I opened this little notebook I’d started months back. I must have known that the pretty little notebook covered with butterflies, roses, gemstones and glitter would give me direction. I’d started writing stories of this life in it last summer. 

I saw this quote, no idea where it came from.

“Creative force is released by an internal process of letting go.  The process of healing is the process of releasing our creative force for the mastery of health and well-being.  Much of illness is a result of blocking the natural flow of an individuals creative energies.”

And this, my friends, is my most primal desire for wanting to write again.

Though, I am not writing for the superfluous reason of being heard…not like when I was younger.  I have grown so much from even 2 or 3 years ago.  I just want to write from my truest clearest form of expression, from the space of being centered and in service to spirit and what it expresses through me.  We all are spirit and I believe that if each of us could have the courage for self-expression, it would give us all the opportunity for great growth and healing.

So that is the goal here from now on, more to write for me, and my expression of spirit, than for anyone else. Not only for my own growth but as a way to honor that which resides in each of us making every person holy, as their own aspect of spirit.

Attack of the Fibroid!

I really do have a great excuse for not blogging in so long.....and yeah I know that i did'nt blog for almost two years before that but anyway- here is the story i wrote about it soon after my surgery.

For anyone who wondered if i was PREGNANT.. for A LONG WHILE..i was NOT. On tuesday I gave cesarian "birth" to a 2 1/2 pound uterine FIBROID. This picture gives you an idea for what a fibroid looks like and the size of the thing that came out of me. It sits beside a 6 INCH RULER. It may have been there 10 YEARS or longer. I am told that 60 % OF WOMEN have them, many not knowi it. If you are having symptoms such as the following, which you thought were just the body aging, you may want to get checked out. Most never know until they feel pain or start to "show".  Over the past several years i have had painful flatulation and constipation with an impacted colon thrown in here and there. As it grew and it began to show i would have back pain, occassional nausea and feel like i was always on the verge of my period or had bad indigestion. In the past year i would have severe to mild headaches almost daily. I was also suseptible to contracting other illnesses, i.e: i had an intestinal parasite, staph infection-about the time I think I got infected with the campylovactor pathogen, and last year lyme disease (which my accupuncturist cured in 10 days). He is the one who discovered the fibroid too, as my YEARLY guyno exams DID NOT..... but not until my belly got very hard and the fibroid began to show.

 It has been a real PAIN to deal with for years now yet i did not know the ROOT cause was the FIBROID until last february.

At the time of my surgery i looked 5 1/2 months preggers. Although there are no real theories about why we get them, some doctors say that they are inherited. That had to be at least part of it for me since my MOM HAD ONE the same size, in the same exact place (upper uterus) at the same age as me.

My surgery went well and i am finally healing. It has been a very intense week to say the least. Besides the pain there are still a few organs relearning how to work well including the bladder.  I also have to be careful to keep my body moving so as not to get any blood clots in the legs, walking also helps with the painful flatulence. And i have to be careful getting in and out of bed so as not to strain anything or tear internal stitches. It's a tricky place to be. I sleep when i can, between my pain medications. I am taking a number of vitamins and supplements for a speedy recovery including aloe vera, CoQ10, Vitamin C, and I am on the way to full health.

 But its seems like a long road ahead. I can drive in  4 weeks and no extraneous activity or lifting for 6 weeks. I am just taking it day by day.  I thank God/Goddess that i am not any worse off. Recovery is imminent. I just wanted to share my story in hopes it may possibly help someone else who may or may not know what they are suffering from. Thanks to all of you have prayed and continue to pray for my speedy recovery. I am happy to continue the dialogue if anyone has any other advice or questions. Thanks agian for all the love. Peace to you all, Athena

We’re jumping the broomstick!

Never thought I’d be getting married…….again.

I am very happy to be doing it though. We’ve already been together 4 years and we’re building a house together. It just makes sense….since we’re already committed why not celebrate it with everyone else who loves us too!

I admit I still get nervous about doing it though. But at least I know he is worth it.

I can’t understand what the rush is for some people. They get married after 6 months. There’s been nothing really significant to test their relationship. They just think they “know” already. And so many of those don’t work out.

I mean what is the big hurry? If you are planning to stay together then there’s no rush to get it done at any particular point. Unless you are concerned about what other people think. Or unless you are so eager to prove to everyone…..and maybe yourself….that you love this person.

I was married when I was 19. Then I thought I’d never get married but when he asked, in a letter that was so so sweet, I melted and said yes. Only because it was him though. I loved him so much. But I was never really “the marrying type”.

I guess I’ve always had an issue with the “institution of marriage. It seems to be so much based on what society has said is and is’nt right. When and where it should be done. And all the pressure and marketing and money to be spent on a single day event. All so you will have pictures to show for it.

Its often so much about the money spent, and looking good that it should be called a Mock Wedding.  I have some issues with the institution of marriage.

So I guess I am doing it because…well what I said from the get go. We are already committed to one another. To this house, this dream and all of those to follow, with and for each other. And that is worth marrying for to me.

Of course this won’t be your average American wedding either! No white dress, brides maids or best man. Why give one person the honor of being closest to you on your wedding day when you love so many others equally? It’s like another part of the show.  All your bridesmaids lined up like the Bride’s soldiers with matching dresses that you picked out. So bizarre…really. Yes, it probably comes from an old tradition where perhaps every girl had a special role in the wedding.

I love the old traditions. There is one I just learned of called Jumping the Broomstick and it’s what the slaves used to do for a wedding on the plantations. I figure since we are living on land that was once owned slaves, it would be a great addition and a way to honor them. Not during the main ceremony but as an aside at the reception instead of throwing the garter belt….another stupid tradition in my opinion. 

So sometime a year from now or so, when the house is done and we have flowers blooming and we have peacocks roaming in the yard….. A and I will jump the broomstick!

Life In the Past Two Years

Wow, its been almost two years exactly since my last blog entry. Soooooo much has happened but i'll sum it up here and write in depth later. Since November of 2009, my life partner has become my business partner and we travel doing festivals almost full time now, my love and i have purchased land and begun to build our dream house (an earthship) and most recently i have had a hysterectomy for a grapefruit sized fibroid in my uterus. It's been an intense couple of years but its been amazing too. I'm excited to share it...now i just need to find the words.

My Life Since June, Some Anyway

Well a lot has happened since I last blogged. My love and I have traveled to Guatemala, Belize and across the U.S.A and back, I held a baby monkey, had another fabulous festival season, saved a family of baby ducks and watched my closest friend and familiar of 15 years pass on.  Here are those stories. 

Athena, Angel in Disguise

Video of Athena

My dearest and most loyal friend passed on recently.  She was an amazing inspiration, so full of love and extremely resilient.  She had four major surgeries last year to remove tumors but the cancer took control in the end.

In her lifetime Athena traveled cross country twice, seeing more sites than most Americans ever dream of.  During her time here she lived in New Orleans, Iowa and Atlanta, met the love of her life and gave birth to 8 beautiful puppies.  She made friends with everyone she met and I never once saw her fight with another dog.

Here is a video of her in her last days. She was so full of life you would have no idea she was ill.  She passed into the next world a few days later, still smiling and happy as ever despite her pain.

Coast to Coast Adventures

After our trip to Central America (see previous posts) we returned home and I went to work for the summer on the Gulf Coast as planned.  Of course you already know that that did’nt last because I got called out to L.A. to work the Big Fair.  (see previous posts)  It was a month long run, very exhausting but worth it for all the knowledge gained and more money than I would have made otherwise.  I was so happy when A came to get me and begin our cross country travels together. We got to really enjoy the airstream and live it up in style in some of the most beautiful national parks and seediest RV resorts ever.  Here is a miscelaneous group of photos from our travels. We were all over the place and the posts to come will show where we went in detail.